an uncertain place

you find yourself in this uncertain place. nothing about where you are or what you see seems familiar. even your feelings don’t feel quite right.

maybe the walls feel like they’re closing in. maybe darkness surrounds you, snuffing out any bearings you could bargain. maybe it’s cold here. maybe it’s hard to breathe. maybe you feel alone. you’re not wrong—yet there is more here. in this dark, uncertain, and seemingly unfamiliar place you are alone, it’s true...but also not true.

know this obscure place lived just under everything you loved and felt comfortable and safe and secure with. this dark place lived buried, just under all the light places you grew accustomed to “seeing.”

it is not comforting to suddenly be plunged into what feels like a pit of despair. but i would caution you to not disparage this place. where you now find yourself now was always here. does that make how you feel better? most likely not.

it is important to honor all those feelings that don’t feel right. but just because they don’t feel right does not mean they don’t have a place here in this world...this facet kind of world that you’ve found yourself in.

just as good as it feels to feel the good feelings, so too will it feel nasty to sit with the nasty feelings. but they deserve their time too. you hold the power to shift your gaze—you’re like the sun. and it’s time for dusk to take it’s seat at the table. our emotions are much like the natural world, ebbing and flowing, and very cyclical like our sister, the moon. each wave, turn, or sunset brings something a little different. the practice, the work, reminds me of when my mother would tell me to be grateful for the present even if i hated it.

you don’t have to like this bizarre, curious, and unexplored place you’ve found yourself. but, this is the gift you’ve been given today.

how can you muster some space inside yourself to receive and hold this gift even if you hate it?